


Colourful Personalities

by mordredllewelynjones



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 14:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12234900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredllewelynjones/pseuds/mordredllewelynjones
Summary: Black. All the best dads wear black. Or maybe not. When Batman goes missing the police are baffled so Robin teams up with the one other person who is as desperate to find the Dark Knight as he is.Joker = J, J-J, Puddin', Boo Boo, J-bird, Mr J, The clown prince of crime, Papa.Batman = Batsy, Bats, The Bat, The caped crusader, The dark knight, Padre, Bat-dad.Robin= Richard, The Boy Wonder, Little Birdie.Also on Wattpad. Eventual Batjokes.There will be NO sex or rude stuff in this story.





	1. Things need to change.

"Quick, after him!"

Batman and Robin sprinted after the purple figure in the distance. Joker smashed his way through a door on the nearest building and rushed inside. "Where is he going?" Robin asked as they screeched to a halt outside the broken door. Batman looked up at the deserted department store. "He's heading for the roof. Hang on" he said as he pulled out his grappling hook. Batman wrapped his arms around the Boy Wonder then, after making sure he had a firm grip on him, fired. Woosh!!! They flew upwards. "Woo hoo!" Robin cried happily. Landing on the roof a second later Batman checked their surroundings. He didn't like this at all. Why would Joker come up here? He was just running into a corner or, Batman thought nervously, leading them into a trap. Maybe he should send Robin back down to wait with Barbara and the police whilst he dealt with this. Before he could make a decision however, there was a loud crash as the door to the roof burst open and an out of breath Joker staggered out. "Hi Batsy" he gasped, smiling and waving. Robin waved back. "What are you playing at Joker?!" Batman barked. Joker raised a bushy green eyebrow then gestured to the street below. The front of the jewellery shop was smashed and it's contents was strewn all over the floor. The crumpled front of Two-face's black and white get away car was wedged on top of a fire hydrant which was gushing water. "Well that was the plan, not that it went very well. I think Two-face needs to re-take his driving test, either that or he needs glasses. How on earth do you miss a bright red fire hydrant?" Joker added, laughing. Batman glared at him. "I'm not playing games with you Joker" he said sternly "You didn't even take anything from that shop so if you expect me to believe that that was all you were after then you have another thing coming. What's your next move?" Joker smiled innocently. "Oh Batsy, all you ever do is play games with me. It's your sole purpose. In all seriousness though I'm not planning anything eellllsseee!!! Hey!" he shrieked as Batman grabbed hold of him by the jacket and lifted him off the ground. "Is it a trap?" the Dark Knight growled "because that's what it looks like. Why else would you purposefully run into a corner and let us catch you?" "You're stroppy today" Joker commented. He prised Batman's fingers off him with some difficulty and fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. "Actually I just wanted to talk" Joker added as he picked himself up off the ground. His confidence seemed to vanish slightly. Batman stayed silent, merely staring at the criminal with a confused expression on his face. "Next week is the anniversary of when we first fought each other" Joker began. He stared at his shoes and started to pace up and down. 

"Normally I just do a big scheme like the two boats but I thought that seeing as we are officially greatest enemies now and we saved the city together and everything, well I thought maybe we could do something different. Dinner maybe?" 

 

Batman felt even more confused. They had an anniversary? "It's on Friday" said Joker in a torturously heartbroken voice "You mean you didn't even know when our anniversary was? How can you not remember?!" Robin tugged at his Bat-dad's cape. "Padre, you said your thoughts out loud again. I think you should say sorry" he whispered. Joker sighed. "It's alright kid" he told Robin, then he turned his attention back to Batman. "If dinner isn't your thing then we could always go to the theatre. Priscilla is in town this week" the clown continued as though everything was going according to plan. "Or we could just do the usual fighting if you don't fancy that. I just wanted to see what you think" he finished. Joker stopped pacing, stood in front of the Caped crusader with his hands behind his back and waited expectantly for a reply. "I think it's time you went back to Arkham" Batman replied. Jumping forwards he snapped a set of handcuffs on Joker's wrists before the clown could react. 

 

"Good job Batman. We can take it from here."

 

Barbara and her entourage of police officers had arrived. She took Joker by the arm and lead him towards the stairs. Batman watched as with a lump in his throat as his greatest was taken away. He had done his job, he had caught the Joker. So why did he feel so bad? The drive back to the Bat-cave was spent in silence. Robin made anxious glances in Batman's direction when he knew the detective wasn't looking. Batman could be very confusing sometimes. Robin knew his Padre liked the Joker, it was glaringly obvious, yet he always treated him really badly. Robin knew that heroes and villains usually acted that way towards each other but Batman and Joker were different so surely they should act different too. The boy gave a sad sigh. It didn't look as though he would be getting another dad anytime soon. 

 

3 hours later in Arkham asylum.

"Hey freak, you have a phone call."

Joker looked up. "Is it Batman?" he asked hopefully. "No" the guard replied with an unpleasant sneer "some chick called Harley." The guard escorted Joker to the phone. "Hi Harley" Joker sighed as he picked up the receiver. "Hey Boo-Boo, how did things go with the Bat? I mean, I know he put you back in Arkham but what did he say about the date? Did he say yes?" Harley asked excitedly. Joker groaned and covered his eyes with his free hand. "He didn't even know we had an anniversary" he replied in a low voice "and as for the date he didn't say anything at all. I guess that makes it perfectly obvious how he feels. I'm such an idiot, I never should have said anything." Joker blinked, determined not to cry in front of the prison guard. Harley felt her blood boil. Sometimes she really hated that Bat and not in a good way. "Oh Puddin' I'm so sorry" she cried "you're not the idiot, he is. I can't believe he turned you down like that." "I'd rather not talk about it" Joker muttered. "Ok. So... when do you get out?" Harley asked. In other words, when are you going to escape? Normally he'd escape within the first couple of days but he just didn't see the point right now. The prison guard tapped his watch, scowling. "I'm not sure" Joker replied in a tired voice "Look, I'm sorry girl buddy but I've got to go. The guard is getting shirty." He hung up before Harley could say goodbye. She listened to the static on the other end of the line. Mister J was no doubt feeling very depressed right now and she wasn't surprised. She threw the phone down on the table as anger welled up inside her. Harley was sick and tired of seeing that so called hero treating her best friend like dirt. She tried her best to help J, she'd even given up her job as a psychiatrist at Arkham so that she could look after him full time, but no matter what she did she couldn't do anything to change Batman. Or could she? She hesitated, unsure whether she dared to interfere. Then she gritted her teeth and picked up the phone once more.

 

Just over 2 weeks later.

"Any luck?"

"No, still no leads I'm afraid."

"Why hasn't he contacted us? Surely even if he had been captured he would have found a way to contact us by now."

"Yes, I must say that is indeed worrying. Did you have any luck questioning the Joker?"

"No" Barbara replied "he claims to have nothing to do with it. I'm not sure I believe him though." "Hmm, well if I'm honest I'd be rather surprised if it was Joker. He's not usually this quiet with his schemes. Still, I guess it's worth keeping an eye on him" Alfred said. He looked exhausted and much older than usual. Barbara wasn't looking much better. Her face was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. Running her fingers through her hair she asked "How is Richard doing? He must be feeling scared." Alfred gave a sad smile. "He is being very brave. I had trouble getting him to go to sleep tonight but we managed it in the end. He wanted to stay up and help with the search" he answered. There was a pause. "Do you want to stay here tonight while I take the night patrol? You've had a long day at the police station and I am sure you could do with the rest" the butler added. Barbara shook her head. "No, I'll do night patrol. If anything did happen I would probably get called in anyway so it wont make any difference. Besides, I think Richard could do with you here, you are his Grandpa after all. Thanks for the offer though" she said. The two of them headed down to the Bat-cave, Barbara to get her Batgirl costume and Alfred to check the Bat-computer for more clues. It was only then that Richard emerged from his hiding place behind a suit of armour. Things weren't looking good at all. Quickly he ran back to his room and threw open his wardrobe. As he pulled on his costume he thought back over the events of the past few weeks. After Joker had been taken away crime had slowed to the usual crawl that happened after the clown had been taken off the streets. Sure there were still petty criminals doing petty crimes but grand scale villainy was low on the ground without the Joker lose to cause chaos. Batman had been on night patrol about 2 weeks ago when it happened. He hadn't come back. At first they hadn't been that worried, Batman had stayed out for over 24 hours before although it was a habit he was trying to cut down on now that Richard was a part of his life. After the third day without a word however, they started to panic. Alfred and Barbara had since been taking it in turns to both protect Gotham city and search for Batman. So far they had managed to keep his disappearance relatively under wraps, they had both agreed that the last thing they needed was for Gotham's criminal classes to find out that Batman was missing. Richard had been forced to stay at home whilst the search continued, Alfred and Barbara had thought it best. Richard had other ideas. The last thing he was going to do was sit and do nothing whilst his Padre was missing and possibly in terrible danger. He had waited for such a long tome to get a new family. he wasn't going to give it up now without a fight and he knew just where to start.


	2. Gotham's flashiest dressers.

Joker pulled off the orange prison overalls to reveal his usual purple suit, smoothed down his hair and applied an extra layer of lipstick. If he was going to escape then he needed to look presentable. The news of Batman's disappearance made him feel uneasy. Sure Bats was a loner but this was a long time even for him. The fact that the police were worried proved just how serious it was. Commissioner Gordon had tried to act as though she had little reason for concern but Joker had seen through that mask. He was sure that he had gotten more out of her than she had out of him during that interrogation. Whatever was going on Joker was going to find out. Despite the difficulties he and Batsy had been having recently Joker wasn't about to let some kidnappers, as Batman had undoubtedly been kidnapped, mess with HIS greatest enemy. That was his job. 

"Psst."

Joker stiffened in shock. Then he turned slowly to see who was there. Robin waved at him enthusiastically from the other side of the glass prison door. "Hi Mr Joker" he whispered. Joker gave a theatrical jump backwards in surprise. "What are you doing here?" he hissed. Surely the Boy Wonder would realise he was trying to escape and call the guards. Joker couldn't afford that set back. "Are you going to escape?" Robin asked, as if he had read the clown's mind. Joker folded his arms and pouted. "That's not important" he replied "and if you're here because you think I have something to do with what happened to Batsy then you wasted your time. I already told police lady that I have nothing to do with it." "I know, I believe you" Robin interrupted. Joker stared at him, utterly bewildered. "I also think that Miss Barbara made a mistake" the boy continued "She thought that just because you didn't do it that meant that you couldn't help but I think you can." "Ok, what makes you say that?" J asked, leaning casually against the glass. He couldn't help but find the boy's total lack of fear intriguing. "Well the thing is, you've been fighting my Padre for a very long time now. You know how he thinks and how he does things. You probably know Batman better than anyone. Also, you're a criminal. You know things and see things that the police don't. I think if anyone can find Batman you can because you can see from both points of view which is something none of the rest of us can do. That's why I sneaked in here. I came to ask you to escape and help me find my Padre" Robin finished in a rush. Joker was taken aback. The kid actually trusted him enough to ask for his help? He was speechless. Robin's face fell, having interpreted the silence as a no. "I'm sorry I disturbed you, I'll go now" he muttered "I'm sure you are very busy." "Wait!" Joker cried out as Robin turned to leave "I'll help." Robin gasped. "You will?" he squealed, jumping up and down with excitement. Joker grinned. "Sure, I was going to go and look for Batsy anyway and two heads are better than one" he replied. He then glanced around, checking the position of the guards. "Right, you need to get out of here" Joker told Robin "the last thing we need is for them to find you here whilst I'm in the middle of an escape. There is a McDonalds two streets way, wait for me there ok." Robin nodded. "Alright, I'll see you there. thank you so much for helping me" he whispered and with that he sprinted silently away. Joker paced up and down his cell with his hands in his pocket, whistling slightly. He thought it best that he gave the kid at least half an hour to clear the building before he made his move.

************

Tap tap.

Robin looked up from his fries to see Joker grinning at him through the restaurant window. Knocking over several chairs in his hurry Robin dashed outside to greet his new crime fighting partner. "I got you a milkshake. I hope you like chocolate" Robin beamed as he thrust a large paper cup into Joker's hands. The villain ruffled the boy's hair. Did a more precious child exist? Joker doubted it. He could totally see why Bats had adopted him. "So what do we do first?" the Boy Wonder asked. He looked up at Joker expectantly. "Well first I'm going to need as much information as possible about Batsy's movements on the day he vanished so we'll need to ...." he broke off as Robin shoved a large pile of papers under his nose. "How on earth did you get these?" Joker gasped "and more importantly, where were you hiding them? It's not as if your costume has pockets." "It does! I asked Alfred to sew some pockets into the lining my cape so that I would always have a place to put handy bits of evidence" Robin replied, a hint of pride in voice as he showed off his hidden pockets. Joker was so jealous! He would have to get Harley to sew some extra pockets into his coat tails the minute he got home. The two of them walked through the dark streets of Gotham, avoiding the main roads. Joker was on the run after all. It was about a hour later when they reached Joker's hideout. "So what now? We grab some cool gadgets and go and find my Padre?" Robin asked as Joker got out his keys. Joker looked nervous, he knew the kid wouldn't like what he was about to say next. "No. You're going to get some sleep whilst I stay up and try to figure out where Bat-boy is. Look, I know you want to get going straight away" he raised his voice slightly as Robin showed every sign of wanting to interrupt "but it will be near on impossible to find anything now. It'll be easier to find clues in daylight, the heat from the police will have died down a bit and the other criminals will be minding their own business. We'll have a clear field." He gave Robin a sympathetic smile then opened the front door. "Harley, I'm home!" Joker called. No reply, his voice simply echoed around the cavernous warehouse that the villains had made their home. There was a sound of scurrying footsteps and Joker was suddenly knocked to the floor as 2 large hyenas appeared out of nowhere and pounced on him. Robin screamed in terror. He rushed forwards to pull the beasts away but he then realised that what he had assumed were screams of pain were actually shrieks of laughter. Joker looked up at the boy's scared and confused face, feeling his own grin slowly fade. "It's alright" he assured the poor kid as he picked himself up of the floor. Joker didn't know how to calm a frightened child but, as he watched Robin trying hard not to cry, he knew he had to try. Improvising as best as he could he grasped the boys hand and lead him closer to the creatures. "Robin, this is Bud and Lou. They won't hurt you, Harley has them well trained. You can pet them if you want" Joker said, doing his best to sound reassuring. Despite is clear misgivings Robin reached out a tentative hand and patted Lou on the head. To his great surprise Lou didn't even snap at him. Being the little ray of sunshine that he was Robin took this as a sign that the hyenas wanted to be friends and he promptly pulled them into a hug. Smiling to himself Joker left Robin to settle in as he went to the kitchen to look for Harley. All he found however, was a post-it note stuck to the fridge.

It read: "Hey Puddin', hope you are ok. Ivy has asked me to help her set up her new greenhouse on the outskirts of town so I'll be away for a while. Call me if you need me. Luv, Harley. PS: don't forget to feed my babies."

Joker sighed. He wished Harley was here to help him with the Batman situation but he couldn't bring himself to call her back. She deserved a break, she did act as his psychiatrist 24/7 plus team up with him as his number 1 partner in crime. After emptying a tin of dog food into a bowl on the floor Joker headed to his bedroom and tried to make it as child friendly as possible (which basically meant shoving all the explosives into his sock draw.) Tidying wasn't one of his strong points but Robin would need a place to sleep. "Time for you to go to bed Little Birdie" Joker called. Bidding Bud and Lou an affectionate goodnight Robin scampered over to where J was standing. "Ok, the toilet is at the end of the corridor if you need it. Just make sure not to touch the swamp Killer Croc has made in the bathtub, I'm not 100% sure what might be lurking in there" Joker warned him. Robin nodded and shuffled his feet. He wanted to ask for a goodnight hug but he was too nervous so he simply smiled before going to the bedroom and closing the door behind him. The clown prince of crime headed to the area they called the sitting room. Flopping down onto the collapsing purple armchair he began to shuffle through the large stack of papers Robin had given him. No matter how many maps and police reports he looked through he couldn't come up with any plausible theories on Batsy's whereabouts. Groaning with exasperation Joker flipped upside down in his chair to gaze at the ceiling, hoping that perhaps it would help him get a new perspective on things. Needless to say it didn't work. None of this made any sense at all, he just knew he was missing something. The sound of muffled sobbing drifted down the corridor from behind Joker's bedroom door. Cautiously he made his way over and pushed the door open. Robin was huddled up in bed, crying his eyes out. Reacting instinctively J ran over to him and pulled the boy into a hug. Robin nuzzled his face into Joker's waistcoat and wrapped his arms around the clown's neck. "Do you want to talk about it?" Joker asked, repeating what Harley always asked him when he was upset. "What if we don't find him? What if we are too late?" Robin sniffed. Burying his face in the boy's hair Joker whispered soothingly "We wont be. Batsy is safe and sound, I promise. If anything bad had happened we would know by now. That's the thing with villains, they just have to show off. Trust me when I say that your padre will be fine." Robin nodded and wiped his eyes on the duvet cover. "Thank you for helping me Mr Joker" he said in a choked up voice. "There is no need to call me Mr Joker" the clown replied "no one calls me that. It's just too serious. Call me J or Uncle Joker or Jokes. Anything you like really, I don't mind. Just none of this Mr nonsense." He smiled good naturedly. Robin considered this request. Then he yawned and curled up in Joker's arms once more. Deciding he wouldn't find a better time than now Robin finally asked the question that had been on his mind for a while now. "Joker, will you be my second dad?" he squeaked, so quiet you could barely hear him. Joker was shocked. He didn't stop to think about what Batman would say, whether he was cut out to be a parent or what his evil friends would think. Laughing softly he gave the only answer that made any sense to him.

"Yes, of course I will."


	3. Like looking for a bat in the dark.

Robin opened his eyes and looked around, his vision blurry from sleep. For a brief moment he wondered where he was but as he took in the bright purple walls covered in Batman posters he remembered all that had happened yesterday. Jumping out of bed he practically ran to the kitchen where he was greeted by Bud and Lou jumping on him. "Hello there" Robin cried happily as he patted their heads. Once he managed to get up off the floor he noticed Joker who was sat at the kitchen table, surrounded by papers and eating ice cream out of the tub. "Good morning Little Birdie. Grab a spoon" the criminal beamed as he shoved a particularly large spoonful into his mouth. Cooking wasn't one of his strong points either. Following the Joker's advice Robin sat down, picked up a spoon and started to eat. He had never had ice cream for breakfast before. "So I've been going over the information you gave me" J began, knowing that the Boy Wonder would want to get started as soon as possible. "I think our best bet is to check out the last place Bats was on patrol to see if we can find any clues. Then, depending on what we find, I have a few people I'd like to check up on. Most of the villains powerful enough to kidnap Batsy are currently lose so there are a lot of possible suspects, I want to see if I can narrow the options down a bit" he concluded. "That sounds like a good idea Papa" Robin chirped. After the ice cream breakfast had been eaten the two of them got ready to start the investigation. Having stocked up on his usual supply of gadgets and weapons Joker lead the way to the part of town where they would begin their search. Gotham didn't really have a good and bad side of town as such. All of Gotham was bad, it was just that some bits were worse than others. As the hours of fruitless searching dragged on the colourfully dressed duo hopped from roof to roof, carefully following Batman's patrol route. "I wish I knew what we were supposed to be looking for" Robin thought out loud as they reached the end of a particularly run down street. "I've found it's best just to keep a look out for anything" Joker replied unhelpfully. Fishing around in his pocket he began to pull out an impossibly long string of brightly colour hankies which he then proceeded to tie around the nearest chimney. Giggling like a maniac he jumped off the edge of the roof and slid down the makeshift rope, landing safely in the dirty back alley below. "Yippy!" Robin shrieked as he followed "that was fun!" J set off, a spring in his step and a satisfied smile on his face. It was a refreshing change to have someone other than Harley appreciate the fun in what he did. Batman was brilliant but so serious, Joker wasn't sure if he had even seen the masked man truly smile let alone laugh. Perhaps having Robin around would help loosen the Bat up a bit. Joker felt certain that between the two of them they were sure to find a way to make Batman smile. That was after all what Joker lived for, to make his Batsy happy. 

"Papa look, we are on tv."

Robin's voice brought Joker abruptly back to earth. They had found themselves outside a tv shop. On each and every screen were pictures of Joker and a small boy.

"According to Commissioner Gordon Richard Grayson was discovered missing this morning although it is suspected he disappeared some time during the night. Due to the escape of Gotham's clown prince of crime the police are treating this as a possible kidnapping case. Whether the Joker plans to ask for a ransom or if he has another plan for his hostage is as yet unclear. However, if anyone has any information on the whereabouts of Richard Grayson we urge you to contact the police" the news reader finished. 

Robin was Richard Grayson?! Bruce Wayne's son?! This was bad. Joker's head was full of questions but right now those would have to wait. He grabbed the boy by the hand and set off at a run. Lungs burning and legs aching they didn't slow down until they reached the site of a long abandoned factory several streets away. "I don't understand. You didn't take me, I left by myself. I'm sure that once I explain everything to Miss Barbara she'll let you off. After all, you are trying to help. We have nothing to worry about" Robin said. Joker shook his head and clutched the stitch in his side. "They won't believe you" he gasped "we can try and explain it to them until we are blue in the face but they will only ever see what they want to see. I'm a villain remember, they'll think I'm just trying to hurt you or use you to get to Batsy." Joker laughed at their stupidity. No one ever seemed to understand the way things worked between him and his bat. Robin felt sorry for his new dad. It must be horrible having everyone think the worst of you even when you are trying to do something good. Robin wished there was something he could do to help. "My name is Jack by the way" Joker said suddenly, interrupting the boy's train of thought. Robin looked up at him, a puzzled expression on his face. "I thought it was only fair that you knew mine seeing as I know yours. I wont tell if you wont" J added playfully. The Boy Wonder giggled and caught hold of the clowns hand. It was then that Joker finally looked around at their surroundings. As luck would have it they had ended up at one of the factories that was on their list of places to search. Checking first to make sure that they weren't being followed Joker lead the way inside. It was dark, coated in a thick layer of grime and it smelt of oil. A few shafts of light shone through gaps in the broken dusty windows. Slowly they edged their way past gigantic machines, long since decommissioned, to the centre of the room. Their footsteps echoing spookily with every step. Robin tightened his grip on Joker's hand. "Look, someone's been here recently" he whispered as he knelt down by the remains of a broken crate. During his time fighting crime with Batman he had learnt a thing or two about what to look for at a crime scene. Batman liked to pretend that protecting Gotham was all fast cars and punching people but there was actually a fair amount of detective work involved. However, joker wasn't looking at the crate. "What's that?" he muttered as he gazed up at where a spec of light reflected off something. Deciding to take a closer look J made his way over to a rusty ladder and began to climb, Robin close on his heels. There had clearly been a struggle here. More crates lay smashed, dented oil drums lay on their sides and shards of glass from the shattered skylight above glistened on the ground. The object that had been reflecting the light turned out to be a Batarang that was lodged in the wall. Joker pulled it out forcefully and stuffed it in his pocket. Batsy had been here. A wave of hot anger washed over him, whoever had done this would pay dearly. "Look at this" Robin called. he was on the floor again. He held up something for the clown to see. Joker took it from him and examined it more closely. Fake straw. "Scarecrow" Joker hissed. 

 

**************** 

 

"Do you think Scarecrow will be here?" Robin asked. The sun was setting and they were outside a dreary, run down building with blacked out windows down at Gotham docks. "No but we will be able to find out where he's disappeared to. Now I need you to listen carefully" J told him. "Stick close to me, don't draw attention to yourself and don't do anything unless I tell you to. Let me do the talking." Robin nodded to show that he understood. With that they made their way towards the entrance where 2 burly men came into view. "Hey, who's there?" one of the men called in a gruff voice. He squinted into the shadows then froze in shock. "Yoo hoo!" Joker catcalled as he stepped into the light. "You're not allowed in here" the second guard growled. They both advanced menacingly but the clown was too quick. Boink! They crumpled to the floor as Joker lowered what looked like a large rubber chicken. "It has a brick in it" he giggled in answer to Robin's questioning gaze. Together they headed purposefully through the door and down the staircase that lay behind. They found themselves in a huge, crowded room. It was just like a 1920s speakeasy, complete with a jazz band comprised of various rogues on stage playing an upbeat number. Silence fell though as Joker made his way across the room, flashing a wicked smile at everyone he passed. The atmosphere suddenly became very tense. "Hey moth man, how's it going?" J asked as he lent against the bar. Killer Moth, who was behind the bar serving drinks, flapped his wings nervously which created a slight humming sound. "I thought you didn't come here anymore" he said, choosing his words carefully. "Oh I just popped in to look for some friends" J said cheerfully. "By the way, you might want to send someone who knows first aid to go and look after those two bouncers by the front door" he added in an over the top stage whisper. Killer Moth swallowed nervously. He looked about ready to run for it. Obviously noticing this Joker hopped over the bar and put his arm around him. 

"Now I was wondering if you could help me out. I'm looking for Scarecrow and I thought you might be able to tell where to find him or at lest tell me when you last saw him. So what do you say?"

 

"S-s-sorry, I don't know anything" Killer Moth stuttered. "Oh please. For me. Blink blink, blinkety blink blink blink" Joker whined, batting his eyelashes. "No, sorry. I'm not a squealer" Killer Moth replied with an air of defiance. The smile disappeared from Joker's face and a deadly silence followed. Suddenly J pulled out a gun and fired. Splurt! Killer Moth was plastered to the wall by a gooey heap of silly string. "This is how this sort of thing works" Joker growled, the cheerful act gone. "You tell me everything you know about what that old rag doll has been up to. If you don't do it fast then... BOOM!" At the last word he slapped a contraption to Killer Moths chest where it stuck fast to the silly string. It looked like a bomb. Everyone screamed and pushed each other out of the way as they tried to escape, Joker laughing all the while. Robin twisted the corner of his cape in his hands, a wave of anxiety washing over him. He only hoped he hadn't been wrong to trust the clown in the first place. Killer Moth struggled hopelessly as the timer on the bomb continued to tick. "You've been a wonderful audience moth man. Do me a favour and smile on your way out would you" Joker giggled happily. He could have been mistaken for adorable if it wasn't for the dangerous game he was playing. "All right, I'll talk" Killer Moth cried "he was in here just under three weeks ago. Came here to meet some people. Penguin, Harley, Two-face, Riddler, you name it they were there. I don't know what they were talking about and I haven't seen any of them since. That's all I know I swear, please just let me go." At that moment the timer ran out. Parp! As harmless rainbow coloured confetti blasted into Killer Moth's face Joker finally put two and two together. This wasn't about Batman, it never had been. This was about him!


	4. Friends with good intentions.

"So why do you think your friends have kidnapped my padre?" Robin asked, clinging to the sides of his seat as the purple low-rider skidded round the corner. "It's obviously to get my attention for what reason I don't know. As for Scarecrow he was never my friend. He's probably just a means to an end in this scheme, unimportant" Joker replied. He had never liked Scarecrow. The guy took all the fun out of crime, quite literally. Laughter was Joker's weapon of choice not fear. As they sped to the edge of the city Joker wondered what on earth Harley thought she was doing. His best friend allying with Scarecrow (his least favourite villain) to kidnap HIS Batsy! She and the others had better have a good explanation or we are NOT friends anymore, Joker though savagely. After what felt like hours, but was probably less than 30 minutes, a dilapidated amusement park came slowly into view. It looked somewhat creepy in the dark of night, the skeleton of the broken down roller coaster silhouetted against the moon. "This place is huge. How will we know where to look?" Robin wondered aloud as the car screeched to a halt outside the entrance. "That's easy, the only place where they could have any chance of holding Bats is the basement" Joker called, jumping out of the car. Together they dashed through the fairground, dodging derelict stalls and rides, until they reached the "crazy house." Robin held tight to his papa's hand once more as they made their way deeper into the eerie gloom. "This way and keep your eyes open. I doubt we'll have any trouble but it won't hurt to careful" Joker told him as they reached a rust door with "Staff only" painted on it in peeling letters. Creek! J cautiously pushed open the door and lead the way inside. As they took a set of crude metal stairs down to the lower level (which the gang had built themselves) muffled banging could be heard coming from behind one of the many doors that lined the corridor below. Slipping his joy buzzer onto his right hand just in case Joker reached out with his left and pulled open one of the doors. "Padre!" Robin shrieked with delight. The Boy Wonder darted across the room and threw his arms around Batman's neck. Batman, who had been robbed of his gadgets and chained to the wall, gasped in astonishment. "Robin, what are you doing here? How did you find me? Where are Alfred and Commissioner Gordon?" he asked. Robin beamed at him. "They aren't here. Joker helped me find you" Robin said, pointing at J. Batman glared at Joker. "You shouldn't have trusted him Robin, it's a trap. What do you want Joker?" he yelled furiously. Joker folded his arms. "I've got nothing to do with any of this, as I keep telling everyone" he answered coolly. Pulling a small leather case out of his pocket he approached the Dark Knight who doubled his efforts to escape as he struggled against his shackles. Click. Joker returned his lock picking kit to his back pocket as Batman fell to the floor in a heap, his bonds undone. Batman immediately leapt up and grabbed Joker by the throat. "So that's it?" Joker grunted as he attempted pull Batman off "No thank you? I looked after our kid whilst you were away, I helped him track you down and I set you free and this is how you react! Talk about ungrateful." Batman stared at him in confusion. Had he just said OUR kid? "Put Mister J down you big bully! He's done nothing wrong!" a voice shouted. Harley Quinn, Riddler, Penguin, Poison Ivy and many other members of Joker's gang were stood in the doorway. Batman released Joker who fell face first onto the cold concrete floor. "Kidnapping is a crime" the Caped Crusader growled. "Yes it is " Harley agreed "but as J-J keeps trying to tell everyone, he had nothing to do with it. He didn't even know about the plan. It was all down to us." There were general sounds of agreement from the other villains. "Why though?" Robin asked curiously. Harley's expression softened as she replied "Because I was fed up of big bad Bats over there being mean to Puddin'. He never appreciates him or takes him seriously. Ever since they saved the city together all Batman has done is string Boo-Boo along and he doesn't deserve that. I thought this might make the Bat see things differently but obviously not." She shot Batman an evil look. Joker, who had just picked himself up off the floor, blushed scarlet with embarrassment. "If that's true then what are you doing here?" Batman demanded, rounding on Joker once more. "I'm here because Little Birdie needed my help to find you and I couldn't stand to see him upset. I'm here because I actually take the fact that you and I are greatest enemies very seriously, something you obviously don't understand. Contrary to popular belief I'm not actually evil all the time. Why can't you see that?" J cried, clearly distressed. The band of rogues glared murderously at Batman. The Dark Knight said nothing. After an extremely long silence Joker had finally had enough. "Come on everyone, we're going home" he snapped, grabbing Robin by the hand. Joker stopped on the threshold and, looking over his shoulder, said in a dangerously calm voice "If you are wanting a lift Batman then you'll have to sit in the boot. If it wasn't for Robin I'd let you walk home on your own so think yourself lucky that I'm offering at all." With that he stormed off, not bothering to wait for a reply.


	5. Laughter is the best medicine, not brooding.

Bruce stared blankly as the movie's end credits rolled up the screen, he wasn't really seeing them. Richard tightened his grip around Bruce's waist as he gave a wide yawn. Bruce rested his chin on top of the boy's head and pulled him closer. Something wasn't right. Something was wrong with Richard but he couldn't figure out what it was or how to fix it. "I didn't like it" Bruce muttered "When I was kidnapped, I mean. It was too quiet without you there. Not that I wanted you to be captured as well, it's just that..." He let the sentence drop as he was unable to finish it. 

"I missed you too Padre."

Richard smiled up at him but things still didn't seem quite right. It had been about a week since they had been reunited but Bruce had thought that perhaps Richard still felt insecure about what had happened. If he did then Bruce's attempt to make him feel better didn't seem to have worked. 

After he had put his son to bed the billionaire once again found himself stalking through the halls of his ginormous mansion, unable to sleep. It was 1 am when he came to a stop in front of the family photos. Bruce gazed mournfully at his parents smiling faces, wishing that they were there with him. "Hey mum, hey Dad. Umm .... things aren't going very well at the moment. I think I'm doing something wrong." His voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears.

"It's Richard, he's not happy. I've made a mistake and it's made him upset but I don't know what it is. He hasn't said anything but I can just tell that I've messed up. I wish I knew how to be a good father to him." Bruce sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Then there's J-bird. Nothing ever works between us but now it's worse than ever. He helped Richard save me but all I did was treat him like dirt. Harley is totally right about me. The thing is, that's what I thought he wanted. For ages he kept bugging me about the whole "hate" thing and then when I act like I feel that way he doesn't like it. How am I supposed to sort things out between us if I don't know what he wants? I love him. I don't want him to be upset." Bruce stopped suddenly, realizing what he had just said. He had never voiced his feels out loud before, not even to his parents. "J-bird and Richard mean everything to me" he continued slowly "I can't imagine life without them but it could never work. We can never be a real family, no matter how much I want it. I made you a promise that I would protect Gotham and make sure that no one else suffered. I can't do that and be with J-bird at the same time, people could get hurt. I would be putting Gotham in danger. I helped make J-bird what he is. I've already failed you once, I can't do so again for the sake of the same man. All I want is to do the right thing. I just want to make you proud." Bruce gave up and curled on the floor, chest heaving from suppressed sobs. His childhood had ended that night in Crime Alley but there was a part of him deep down that was still 8 years old, waiting for his parents to come and make everything better. After all this time he still felt as lost and alone as he had done that night all those years ago. Pulling himself together he decided to go out on patrol, hoping it would distract him from his less than happy thoughts. As he left the room he failed to notice the figure in the shadows that had been watching him, who had heard all that he had said and was determined to do something about it.

****************

Harley staggered through the front door, laden with shopping bags. Kicking the door shut behind her she managed to make it to the kitchen before dropping her load on the floor and collapsing into a chair. Surely it wouldn't kill someone else to do the shopping once in a while. Joker still hadn't come out of his room it seemed. She couldn't help but feel responsible for what had happened, she wished she had never interfered. RING RING!!! Harley approached the phone cautiously. Not many people knew their number. "Hello, who is this?" she asked, picking up the receiver. "Hello. This is Robin. Is Joker there?" the voice on the other end replied. "I'll go get him" Harley said. Putting Robin on hold she went and knocked on Joker's bedroom door. Getting no answer she pushed it open. Joker was sat on his bed, buried in his Bat-signal duvet and surrounded by chocolate bar wrappers. His eyes were glued to the tv screen, he was re-watching Princess and the frog. Harley sighed. Poor J-J, he didn't cope very well with heartbreak. "Hey Boo-Boo, there's someone on the phone for you" she said. "Is it Batman?" he asked in a hollow voice, not taking his eyes off the screen. 

"No, it's Robin."

With the speed of a rocket Joker leapt off bed and dashed out to the phone. "Hey Little Birdie, are you ok? You're not in trouble are you?" he asked, his voice filled with panic. "Oh no, I'm fine. No need to worry" Robin assured him "I just wanted to talk." "Sure thing. What do you want to talk about?" J asked, breathing a huge sigh of relief. "Well... actually I was wondering if you wanted to go and get ice cream with me. It's just that I haven't seen you in a while and I miss you" said Robin shyly. Joker felt so touched that he almost cried. For a villain he could be a real softie sometimes. "I'd love to. When?" Joker asked excitedly. "Right now. Meet me on the roof of the library" Robin told him. "Wait a minute. It's the middle of the night, are you allowed to go and have ice cream right now?" Joker asked, voice full of suspicion. There was a pause. "Of course. I've been out at night before. It's only ice cream, it's not like anything bad is going to happen" Robin replied hesitantly. He never felt comfortable lying to people. J frowned. He knew the boy was lying to him. He really shouldn't agree to this but Joker had never been one to play by the rules. Besides, he was fed up of sitting in his room feeling depressed and he missed Robin just as much as Robin seemed to miss him. One ice cream wouldn't hurt.

"I'll see you there."

*********

 

BZZZZ!!! BZZZZ!!! Catwoman looked up in alarm as the siren from the museum's security system continued to scream. In the distance she could hear running footsteps heading in her direction. She had to get out of here and fast. She took a running leap out of the window, intending to land on the balcony opposite. Instead she soared through the air. Feeling a strong arm around her waist she looked up to see Batman, grappling hook in his other hand. "Meow. It's not everyday a lady get's saved by a flying rodent" she said with a seductive smile. Then she screamed as she suddenly felt herself plummet towards the ground. Crash! A disgruntled Catwoman sat up only to find herself in a skip, which was unfortunately full. "What was that for?!" she cried. "Bats aren't rodents and neither am I" grunted Batman as he dropped down next to the skip. Catwoman didn't consider this a very good excuse. Just then 2 police cars came screeching to a stop in front of them, blinding Catwoman with their headlights. Batman snapped on the handcuffs as he lead her over to where Commissioner Gordon was waiting. "So what has she taken this time?" Barbara asked. Batman stuck his hand inside the small pouch attached to Catwoman's belt, pulled out a golden bejewelled broach in the shape of a cat and handed it to Barbara. It dated back to the ancient Egyptians and was so priceless that even Bruce Wayne could never hope to buy it. The commissioner gave a low whistle. "What can I say? Diamonds are a girls best friend" the criminal said with a shrug. She turned to Batman and, with some difficulty, hooked her arms around his neck. "I wish you could let yourself go. You and I would make a great team, in more ways than one. We could run away to Paris and forget Gotham. Oh, why do you turn your nose up at me like that?" she purred. "Because you smell like the contents of that skip. You look like it too" he replied roughly, pushing her away. There was no way he would ever go to Paris with that second rate thief. Paris would forever remind him of Joker and the brief time they had spent there whilst convinced that they were both dying. Part of him wished he taken Joker up on his idea to continue the trip and go to London but he had still been in denial about his feelings back then. "Come on. Let's go" said Commissioner Gordon. She put Catwoman into one of the police cars and watched as it drove away. Then she turned back to her friend/co-worker. "Earth to Batman, come in Batman. Hello. Batman, can you hear me?" Barbara called, waving her hand in front of his face. "Wah!" the Dark Knight cried in surprise, automatically aiming a roundhouse kick in Barbara's direction. She managed to dodge it just in time, luckily Alfred had warned her and Richard about this particular personality trait. "I'm so sorry" Batman gasped "It's just what happens when I get disturbed whilst thinking. I didn't mean to kick you." "That's ok" she assured him. She could tell that he meant it. Brushing her hair out of her face she asked "Are you alright? You don't seem totally with it at the moment." "Of course I'm fine. I'm Batman. In fact I'm better than fine, I'm awesome" he replied immediately. Barbara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know that but you have had a rough couple of weeks. Maybe you should take some time off" she suggested. "Crime doesn't take time off so neither can justice" Batman said, wrapping his cape around himself dramatically. The commissioner shook her head. Her friend could be really annoying sometimes. "Well I've got to go back to the police station but let me know if you need me" she said as she got in the remaining car. The Caped Crusader fired his grappling hook and swung off into the night. He had hoped that going out on the town and getting into a couple of fights would take his mind off the Joker. In reality it had only made him think about J-bird more, he couldn't help but feel guilty for "fighting around" when he knew how much his greatest enemy disliked it. The Dark Knight was just thinking about heading back home when the Bat-signal lit up a couple of streets ahead. Going home would have to wait. He swooped down to land on the roof of the library. To his confusion however, there didn't seem to be any trouble. No break in. Nothing. He was about to message Barbara to let her know that the signal system was malfunctioning when he heard a strange panting noise. Turning to look he saw a worn out Joker pull himself up onto the roof. "I hate ladders. Would it hurt anyone in Gotham to install a lift?" the clown muttered to himself. Then he caught sight of Batman and groaned. "Oh no. Look, I'm not doing anything wrong ok. If this is about that kidnapping charge then forget it. I didn't do it and you know it so if you think I'm going to let you chuck me back in Arkham for a crime I didn't even do then think again" Joker snapped, glaring defiantly. "Well if you aren't up to anything then why is the Bat-signal on?" Batman asked him. 

 

"I turned on the signal. I also invited Joker here."

 

Robin appeared from the shadows, turning off said signal as he made his way towards them. "Robin, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed" Batman gasped. Joker, who had already guessed the boy's plan, merely looked at his son with begrudging pride. The kid was clever, he'd give him that. "You two need to talk. Properly talk" Robin said, addressing his Batdad more than Joker. "I know you two have been fighting each other for a long time but there is a difference between good fighting and bad fighting. This is bad fighting and I can't stand it anymore. Please, just stop for once and sort it out!" The Boy Wonder's eyes filled with tears. "Listen Bats, I know you don't really do talking but we have to try for Robin" said Joker, taking the lead. 

"I'll get straight to the point, do you actually want to be greatest enemies or not? It's just that when we are fighting, good fighting, it feels like there is something truly special between us but then there are other times when you act like I don't even exist. I just don't understand it. I feel like you don't even want me in your life at all, which is understandable to be honest. I don't blame you if that's the way you feel but I'd just like you to tell me so I know. I often wonder whether you actually meant what you said. Do you really hate me?" 

 

Batman took a deep breath and made his decision. Just because he had made a promise and dedicated his energies to protecting Gotham that didn't mean he could never have a life of his own. It was about time that he realised that. "No" he replied firmly. Joker stared at him in shock then burst into very noisy tears. "That doesn't mean that I don't care" Batman continued, raising his voice so as to be heard over Joker's sobs "In fact I care too much. All I want is for you to be happy J-bird. The only reason I said that I hated you was because that was what I thought you wanted. The thing is J-bird, you and Robin mean everything to me. I can't imagine life without you and I wouldn't want to. That's why I found it so hard to say that I hate you, because I ... I love you" he finished in barely more than a whisper. Joker blinked rapidly with amazement. Then he broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. "Oh Batsy" J sighed, wrapping his arms around the hero's neck "hate means love. When I say that I hate you I'm telling you that I love you. I thought you knew that." "How could I possibly know that you lunatic?" Batman replied with an amused smile. He rested his forehead against Joker's and wound his arms around the villains chubby waist. "Call yourself the worlds greatest detective" J scoffed, wiggling his eyebrows flirtatiously. "So what are we now?" he added. "Robin's dads of course. Apart from that we can be what ever you want us to be" the Caped Crusader replied. He then closed the gap between them and kissed the love of his life. Joker let out a squeal of delighted surprise then he relaxed into Batman's arms, humming happily. When they final broke apart Joker giggled softly, practically giddy with happiness. "Well I have been thinking that it was about time I got married" he teased "I'm not going to look this cute forever, I should snag myself a husband while I still can." Batman nodded whilst secretly doubting that a time would ever come when J was anything less than totally adorable. "Well maybe I have been a Bat-chelor for too long" he smirked. This made Joker giggle even harder. Batman had never told a joke before, not whilst the Clown prince of crime was in ear shot anyway. It was a really bad joke but that only made it better. Then the words finally sank in. "Wait a minute, are you actually serious?" J gasped. Batman nodded again and laughed. Joker had never heard his Batsy laugh before. It sounded strange but he loved it anyway. "YAY, MY DAD'S ARE GETTING MARRIED!!! CAN I BE A PAGE BOY?!" Robin cried happily, pulling them into a hug. "Of course you can" Batman promised. Robin beamed. "Hold on, I've just though of something" Joker said suddenly. The smile vanished from his face. Batman and Robin looked at him anxiously. "I don't really know how things work between you and Bruce Wayne" he began, addressing his Bat "but I know you're roommates and I know that he is Robin's dad as well. What's he going to say about all this?" He gazed imploringly at the Dark Knight who bit his lip. Then Batman reached up and took off the cowl. Joker stayed silent for a long time, thinking. He had never cared about what was under the cowl, it had never mattered to him. He wouldn't have minded if Batsy had never shown him what he looked like under there but now he was glad that he had. He felt so relieved. Ever since he had heard that there was a connection between Batman and Bruce Wayne he had been terrified that Bruce would steal his Batsy and , more recently, his son. Now he knew he was safe, no one would ever take his family away from him. "Thank you for trusting me" he whispered finally. He kissed his boyfriend twice, once on the cheek and once on the lips, leaving red lipstick marks on him before carefully replacing the cowl. "Bruce Wayne and Jack Napier, quite the power couple. Doesn't have as much of a ring to it as Batman and Joker though" he added jokingly. "I think you're right there" Batman agreed, silently appreciating the trust that his boyfriend had just shown him. Who Joker had been before he became the Joker was his business, Batman had decided a long time ago that he would never try to find out or push the villain to tell him. He knew that Joker didn't like thoughts about his past, they were to confusing and/or painful for him, depending on what he remembered at the time. The fact that he had just shared his old name let Batman know that Joker trusted him and that meant more to him than he could ever say. "Thank you for getting us together" Joker said, turning to Robin. He ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. "That's alright Papa" Robin chirped. He paused for a moment. "Can we go and get ice cream to celebrate?" he asked. "Definitely" Joker grinned. As Batman used his grappling hook to swing them across the city J thought back over everything that had happened over the past few weeks. He should probably phone Harley and let her know that her plan had worked albeit in a rather round about way. That could wait though. Right now a romantic sunrise glowed over Gotham. He was going to get ice cream with his fiancé and son and Joker wanted to enjoy every blissful moment of it.

 

The end.


End file.
